well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
