so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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