So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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