yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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