She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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