Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
