Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
