Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
