Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
