One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
