just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
