So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
