i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
home. puking in laundry basket.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
