Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
