do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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