Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
