Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
