Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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