We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
