do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
