Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
