actually, I'm a sock model
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
