im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
