i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
