i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I want a musical about memes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
