When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
