We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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