I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
