just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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