I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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