Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
