What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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