So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Holy shit dude........stairs
do nipples grow back?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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