you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
