i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
