Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
