That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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