If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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