And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
