How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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