ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
