i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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