Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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