Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
