I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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