You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
