I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
