I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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