I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
