she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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