hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
