Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
